Progress Update 31 March 2016

Following encouraging feedback from my tutor in response to my submission for Assignment 1 and a positive “skype” tutorial with him I am continuing to concentrate entirely on the project about my mother and my relationship with her during the final years of her life, as she struggled to cope with Clinical Depression. For the assignment I had produced a small number of photographic “sketches”, relating to events or periods in her life. Each of these consisted of two or more images, blended together using “Photoshop Elements”, in order to produce photo-montages. Images were either archival, including some taken whilst my mother was alive (she died in 2007), or created specifically for the project.

Moving forwards I am following my tutor’s suggestion of creating around 24 experimental sketches of this type based on events, trips taken, moods and feelings of both parties during the last years of my mother’s life. I’m also carrying out research, mainly in the areas of (1) the photographic exploration of family relationships and (2) trying to understand the minds of people who have the great misfortune to be suffering from Clinical Depression.

I have produced 12 sketches to date (31 March), which include re-workings of some of the sketches that I presented for my first assignment. The sketches are fairly crude (a subject which I must address in the future: see below) and simply represent ideas that I can explore in greater detail at a later stage. Most of the sketches refer to a page of text that I wrote in advance for a proposed photo book, in which 20 pieces of text were to be accompanied by 20 “montage” images. However, one or two sketches don’t fit in readily with any of the text (also see below). Looking through what I’ve done so far (and I’m planning to produce at least two new sketches per week, leading up to the submission of my second assignment in May) it is fair to say that whereas some sketches work for me, both as an integrated piece of work and as a representation of a message, others work on one front but not both and some don’t work at all! Rather than spend more time on the failures I’m going to press on, exploring ideas for new sketches and perhaps trying a new approach for the events, etc. represented by the failures at a later date. As an example of one of the more successful images (in my opinion) see the Image below.

Image

For years I shopped at the Co-op in Knaresborough for Mum’s weekly provisions. At first she came with me, but as she became more frail and developed agoraphobia (a common symptom of Clinical Depression) I went on my own, with a shopping list. Although she hardly had a balanced diet I tried hard to get her healthy food. However we both had a liking for the rather unhealthy “Mr Kipling” Cherry Bakewell tarts and I invariably slipped a packet of these into my basket or trolley. In November 2015, when I returned to Knaresborough to take photographs of/in the Co-op for this image, I discovered that it was due to close for good the following day! I duly came back to photograph the empty shelves on the final morning. The shelves add a poignant feeling to this composite of five separate images.

Based on the last couple of months’ work and looking ahead beyond the production of the current sketches, I have come up with a few general thoughts and conclusions regarding this project. These are summarised below:

• ·      Assuming that I don’t radically change direction when producing “final” images I must improve both the software that I am using to produce the composites and my application of the software. My current PC is on its “last legs”. I intend to buy a new, significantly more powerful PC in the next few weeks and will probably have to “bite the bullet” and take out a monthly subscription to the full “Photoshop” package (I currently use “Photoshop Elements 8”), install it, learn how to use it and perhaps go on a training course in order to get the full benefits from the software and produce professional looking composites.

• ·       Rather than using the proposed photo book text to guide and inform the production of composite images I now believe that the images will be informing the text. In addition to producing images that relate to specific events or types of event that occurred in the past I am intending to produce images that illustrate feelings and emotions, which will not fit in with any current page of text. Whilst the text in the photo book gave me a good start for my image production it is now the images that will drive the direction of the project.

• ·       I am planning another, two day, visit to the area where my mother lived, in order to take photographs for use in the composite images. However, much of the photography that remains to be done is of a more general nature and can be carried out locally to me or in my house.

• ·         Creativity is still a major problem for me. I find that I am most creative when feeding off the ideas of others at exhibitions or reading books by or about photographers. When I am at home, dealing with the drudgery of daily life, it is very hard to come up with new ideas for my project work – but I keep on trying.

Book Review: "Reasons to Stay Alive" (Matt Haig: Canongate)

Introduction

A couple of years ago I had gone down to London for the day by train. When I arrived at Kings Cross station to catch the train home I found that all departures on my line had been delayed and nothing was leaving the station. Communications were, as usual, poor but I eventually ascertained that the cause was that “somebody had gone under a train” north of my Royston destination. After an interminable wait I eventually got home, much later than planned. A few days later I heard that an 18 year old student had committed suicide on the line. He had been bright, intelligent, well-liked by his peers and much loved by his family. The cause of his suicide was a sudden and severe attack of clinical depression. Matt Haig had a similar experience. He came close to throwing himself off a cliff to end it all. He didn’t go through with it, because the rational side of his brain, the bit that argued that the pain and anguish that his suicide would cause to his family and friends would be greater than the terrible conflicts that were going on in his mind, won the day. Haig is now a successful author. This book is an account of his battle with depression and his recovery: as such it stands as a “self-help” bible for others suffering from this terrible illness.

Review

I bought this book in order to try to understand the mental conflicts of those people who, like the author and my mother, suffer or have suffered from severe clinical depression coupled with anxiety and panic attacks. The book is aimed directly at these people, so I felt a little like an outsider when reading it. Autobiographical sections on his descent and subsequent recovery from this most brutal, “hidden” disease are interspersed with common sense sections dealing with how to cope with (say) panic attacks [“First panic attack: 1. I am going to die….” “Thousandth panic attack: 1. Here it comes. 2. I’ve been here before…”]. He doesn’t shirk the suffering caused by anxiety and depression (which, in many cases, go hand in hand), but he does stress how the use of logic and positive thinking, even during the darkest times, helped him to pull through. Whilst not totally discounting medical intervention (anti-depressants didn’t work for him) he emphasises throughout the book the silver linings that the mental clouds of depression bring, as well as the power of positive thinking.

Would this book be of benefit to all sufferers of clinical depression? I feel that it would be of most use to younger sufferers – those who are hardest hit and those who are most likely to attempt suicide. They will identify strongly with the author, who developed clinical depression at the age of 24 and wrote the book in his late 30s. Older people may find it harder to identify with his case and might also find it harder to adapt their thinking from “glass half empty” to “glass half full”. Also, Haig emphasises throughout the book the immense help provided by his family and, in particular, his girlfriend who stayed with him throughout the dark days and who is now the mother of his two children. It would be ridiculous for Haig not to mention the emotional support he received, but how would this affect somebody reading this book and was unable to call upon all this support? Would they be any less likely to have suicidal thoughts?

Towards the end of the book Haig produces a number of lists, such as “How to live (forty pieces of advice I feel to be helpful but which I don’t always follow)”. Whilst some of the advice is, I’m sure, of general use (“Be gentle with yourself. Work less. Sleep more”) other advice (“Go for a run. Then do some yoga” and “shower before noon”) will, I think, work for some but not for others. He also lists “Things that make me better”. Well, these things work for him and that’s fine in an autobiographical account, but some of these things would make me feel worse! Perhaps he should be encouraging the reader to produce their own lists, rather than foisting his own likes and dislikes upon them.

Having made these comments, the book must be an important read for those, particularly young people, suffering from clinical depression. Knowing that they are not alone and that they can recover, even without the need for medication, is very important. With the incidence of suicide amongst young people suffering from clinical depression being alarmingly high a comment such as “if this book saves one life it will have made its production worthwhile” is far more than a tired cliché. One fewer tragedy, such as the one that slightly affected my own life when my train was delayed and caused immense and lasting distress to many others, would be of enormous benefit to us all.

Learning Points

Reading the account of Haig’s mental anguish in the first part of this book convinces me that, despite having been at a low ebb during various stages of my life, I have never suffered from clinical depression. It also helps me to understand some of the mental anguish that my mother must have gone through, particularly in her later years, when she no longer had the mental strength to pull herself out of the abyss that had been dug for her by this terrible disease. As I continue with the photographic portrayal of my relationship with her during her final years for my OCA course work, these thoughts should always be borne in mind.

A Photographic Representation of Clinical Depression: Christian Hopkins' Images

Is it possible to represent Clinical Depression in photographic images? When those of us who do not suffer from this illness are feeling low, representing our feelings in an artistic way is surely the last thing that we want to do, so why should those who are regularly in a depressed state be any different? Whereas those whose illnesses result in mood swings (Van Gogh springs to mind) might wish to create during positive or “high” periods Clinical Depression is, more often than not, devoid of “highs”. It was hardly surprising, therefore, that my interrogation of search engines produced very little of note when primed with the words “clinical depression” and “images”.

However, my research did throw up a few hits, the most notable of which was a series of images produced by Christian Hopkins, a young sufferer from Clinical Depression in the USA. Hopkins, who was studying biochemistry at college, took up a camera a year after his diagnosis, in order to use photography as a means of coping with the illness. He produced images in order to try to express his feelings and posted them onto his Flickr account. Sadly, he wiped the account and removed the photographs a year or two ago during a severe bout of depression, but not before they had been picked up by others. A selection of these images, found on the internet (see reference) is shown below (Images 1-4).

Image 1 (Christian Hopkins)

Image 2 (Christian Hopkins)

Image 3 (Christian Hopkins)

Image 4 (Christian Hopkins)

Considering that he had no photographic training Hopkins’ images are impressive, both from the point of view of technique (in particular composition) and also artistic input. Images 1 and 4, in particular, have a surrealistic feel to them. However it is Image 3, the self-portrait in the bath, which for me comes closest to representing Hopkins’ illness. One feature of Clinical Depression, at least in my mother’s case, is extreme lethargy – a lack of the necessary willpower to change or, indeed, to do anything. Whilst Hopkins may have been attempting to create a different effect, lethargy and low self-esteem (another feature of Clinical Depression) appear to come across in this picture.

Can these images inform my own project work? I think that they can help me in trying to represent my own moods when I used to spend time with my mother. It would be difficult for me to try to produce images representing my mother’s feelings, both because I simply don’t know exactly how she felt and also because, as a sufferer from Clinical Depression, she was at the other end of her life when compared with Christian Hopkins.

I hope that Hopkins has overcome his illness. Meanwhile, my research continues.

Reference: see http://petapixel.com/2013/04/15/photographer-creates-emotive-images-to-help-cope-with-depression/